We had a hard time getting going around here today. There are so many things on the list that need to get addressed and it was hard to pick just where to start, what progression to follow, and what things to leave for another day. Two important things in the day were connecting with friends from high school and celebrating my sisters birthday.
We had determined that we wanted to create a care package for my sister on how to age well. It was very clever, or so we thought, and included many comedic elements. We created a handbook on aging that had sections such as an AARP application, information on the hover-round, life insurance for the elderly and geriatric medical issues. Then there were several items needed to enter into the next decade of birthdays. Necessities, those "cant live withouts", were carefully wrapped and stowed away in the bag. Tissue engulfed things such as Ben Gay and Hemorrhoid Cream, Anti-Aging facial scrub, pads for your corns, denture cream, and Poise pads.
The question really is, however, what does it truly take to age gracefully. I suppose there is a place for products that make us look and feel young and those that relieve some of the discomforts of not actually being young enough to abuse our bodies without suffering more than a day or two. Beyond those, there are two key ingredients, laughter and attitude. The care package was meant to bring laughter. It did. Smiles and swats at a little sister too young to know the meaning of a number, followed as well. Perhaps, too, it was a representative of the attitude needed to age gracefully. Age is a number that may or may not reflect a whole lot of meaning on your daily life. If you can laugh right in the face of it, while living with it, the days will probably come and go a little easier.
For me, age is a number I can't truly identify with or comprehend. When I look around it appears to me that I am supposed to feel a certain way about myself based on my age. I really don't though. Perhaps this means I am not, or will not, age gracefully. Most days I feel pretty young and until someone asks me my age I walk around thinking I am about 30 or so. I am aging a little because up until about two years ago I really thought I was around 28. Does it matter how old I am? The old saying used to be "old enough to know better, young enough to do it" and I think I am beyond that stage. Personally, I think my motto is more like "old enough to have some wisdom, young enough not to lord it over the young-uns".
Seeing friends from high school was intertwined into this birthday thing. What an amazing time I had, and hope others did too, at an open house. Two girls bound it all together, wonderfully different, displaying the same commitment to enduring friendship that they did way back when they were jump roping on the play ground and playing blind man's bluff on the merry-go-round.
As we drove the hour and a half home I explained the history of these friendships from elementary onward. Seventh grade took me down a journey that started out with finding my identity and ended with tragic events that began defining me without my consent. Going through the doors of the high school meant that I was separated from friend groups I had become comfortable with and had to become acquainted with a whole lot of new people. At that point in life many people find themselves swept along by a river that seems to have a life of its own.
I too felt swept along by a current that quickly became dangerous rapids with boulders hidden beneath the surface. In the summer between seventh and eighth grade my whole understanding of life and my own humanity was torn. My mom died and I was instantly isolated from my peers. I didn't know how to act around them and they didn't know how to act around me. I was no longer interested in performing in school or the things that are typical for a young teen. At that point, I had to try and wrestle with the palpable reality of greif, loss and deep depression. These were soon followed by poverty, extreme family turmoil and feelings of abandonment.
For the rest of my high school career I felt pretty lost. I really did not feel capable of relating to my peers. I dabbled in rebellion, but that didn't really fit me well. So my time was spent trying to navigate my life, ill equipped as I was, and this often meant disengaging in the life I was expected to lead and isolating myself in order to survive. I didn't do so well and I didn't leave high school with a pocket full of great experiences or emotional bonds. Some how I stumbled into adulthood with way too much to learn and a hard, hard road to the education necessary to live life.
The ray of hope shines eternal though. I found my way, falling down, hitting my stubbord head, wounding myself here and there, and picking up a few successes along the way. Two wonderful children have brought grace and beauty into my life, a phenomenal husband has taught me how to allow myself to be loved in spite of, or because of, flaws and imperfections, I developed those emotional bonds and I have friends that I love dearly.
Tonight, was a celebration of friends that wait for everything to come full circle. As a small child in early elementary I felt I was friends with most everyone in my grade. Two girls, Diane and Linda, created some vivid memories during those formative years. However, as I was knocking around, figuring out my befuddling life, we drifted down different forks in the river. A couple of years ago though, a reunion brought me back into the fold of the wonderful people I had the privilege to grow up with and my life has a new richness because of it. Sixty-seven people have spread out over the United States and across the globe. When there is occasion to come back together it is a blessing and a reminder of grace and mercy.
Diane and Linda you are wonderful ladies! You are brilliant, have created wonderful families, bring joy and value to the world and envelop those around you with love, in part because you see beyond the flaws. I am so blessed to have your friendship and that of so many more who share your outstanding qualities. Thank you for your friendship that began in the walls of our tiny school and continues to blossom today.
Saturday, July 21, 2012
Monday, July 9, 2012
Chambers and Appendages
"Things have changed...", "When I was your age....", "Back in my day...."
Does using a phrase like one of these put you into a different life phase? To put it in no uncertain terms, does it indicate aging? I can't even ask if it means you are getting "*@#". Why? Being *@# is a state of mind I am not willing to hedge up on.
Let's just say that there are some changes I have noticed. If you have had any sort of a conversation belaboring the causes for the state of our world, you have certainly heard me ramble about community. Where I reside, it seems that we don't live in our communities. In fact, some of us are intentional about living outside of our community so we can have autonomy at the grocery store and not be beholden to things such as having to use a particular mechanic because they are family friends or shopping at one hardware store or another because of affiliations.
The why's and what for's are many. But what are we missing? Good, bad and otherwise, my community exists around the globe. There are probably two main chambers to this group, with appendages that are far reaching. One chamber has actually come together and lives within one hundred or so yards. Yes, the kids are all grown and have moved out. However, they are just down the street and I LOVE it! We see each other often, stay up way too late playing card games, embark on artistic adventures that lead us around surprising corners, eat together now and again, and of course they still come home to do their laundry.
While there are many fun things about being so close in proximity, there is something far more important about being close in spirit and community. When I am out of town there is someone close by to check on the chillas and water the deathly thirsty tomatoes. And if someone needs toilet paper there is a dependable resource very near by. (Interestingly enough we often run out of toilet paper all at the same time and it just means we take a trip to the store together.) The point is, that we provide community for each other. We have fun together, share our difficulties with one another, meet needs for one another, contemplate the complexities of life together, ponder unimportant concepts at length as a group and are continuing to grow a deep sense of community.
The second chamber is far less accessible, yet of great importance as well. Summer usually leads to several trips to the Dakotas and a visit or two from out west. Five hours in the car can give a person cause to travel through many memories and emotional lands. It can also be lonely and tiring and bad for your diet. However, once the distance has passed, there is a complete sense of home, equally valuable to the one in the rear view mirror. We know one another well, love each other, accept the occasional step out of bounds and welcome each other like we have enjoyed every day of our lives together. Pops, the patriarch of the family, lives by the anthem "work hard to play hard" and we all live this out, whether we know it or not. We work very hard together and yet we enjoy the weekends where we take the whole clan to a Twins game or the Renaissance Festival and buy goofy hats or watch medieval weddings just for the fun of it.
Appendages, perhaps not the most flattering sounding descriptor, stretch in every direction and bare many roots. We have left big chunks of our hearts in Virginia and traveled over the plains and through the woods both directions to share in a distant, but ever present, community with deep, deep roots. Our friend in the army is any given place in the continental US and may trot the globe at any moment. Then there is my Augsburgian sister who is often spotted on European adventures with her home base in Italy. The RCTC bunch is always moving around in the general region, but now one of our ranks is going to snuggle up against the Rocky Mountains and save lives or something. I could go on with the locations that have hosted those we love and have found to fit perfectly in our hearts, Lebanon, Tennessee, West Virginia, where is Brittany at these days Connecticut maybe, Boston, Arizona, many in the cities, you name the direction and we could name a meaningful connection that has brought us a sense of community.
Gone are the days of living in a small town with the family and trusted friends minutes away. I liked when the party line became extinct, but I don't think I like the distance that spreads out my loved ones. Nothing can be done about it I suppose, but yet always lingering is this feeling of being torn and wishing that everyone could be together more easily. No matter where we are, we are missing someone (more like many someones) and there is always a sadness that goes along with that awareness. Would I give up having developed a sense of community with someone for not having to miss them later? No. But my heart always notices who is missing and there is a longing for home to be in one place and everyone to be gathered there together.
While that seems a little sad, there are many positives. We are surrounded by love and caring and we have a large group of people to share our love and devotion with. Great experiences dot the maps of our memories and we can travel over those lands on long, time intensive car rides. And we can go a lot of places and have a piece of our community already there! We know the bleaker side exists, but choose to focus on the bright side most of the time. The encouragement today is to grow your community is whatever newfangled way you can, or touch base with someone you miss in your current community.
Blessings to the chambers, appendages, and those yet to come! May our communities ever be strong and grow deep, stabilizing, nourishing roots together!
Does using a phrase like one of these put you into a different life phase? To put it in no uncertain terms, does it indicate aging? I can't even ask if it means you are getting "*@#". Why? Being *@# is a state of mind I am not willing to hedge up on.
Let's just say that there are some changes I have noticed. If you have had any sort of a conversation belaboring the causes for the state of our world, you have certainly heard me ramble about community. Where I reside, it seems that we don't live in our communities. In fact, some of us are intentional about living outside of our community so we can have autonomy at the grocery store and not be beholden to things such as having to use a particular mechanic because they are family friends or shopping at one hardware store or another because of affiliations.
The why's and what for's are many. But what are we missing? Good, bad and otherwise, my community exists around the globe. There are probably two main chambers to this group, with appendages that are far reaching. One chamber has actually come together and lives within one hundred or so yards. Yes, the kids are all grown and have moved out. However, they are just down the street and I LOVE it! We see each other often, stay up way too late playing card games, embark on artistic adventures that lead us around surprising corners, eat together now and again, and of course they still come home to do their laundry.
While there are many fun things about being so close in proximity, there is something far more important about being close in spirit and community. When I am out of town there is someone close by to check on the chillas and water the deathly thirsty tomatoes. And if someone needs toilet paper there is a dependable resource very near by. (Interestingly enough we often run out of toilet paper all at the same time and it just means we take a trip to the store together.) The point is, that we provide community for each other. We have fun together, share our difficulties with one another, meet needs for one another, contemplate the complexities of life together, ponder unimportant concepts at length as a group and are continuing to grow a deep sense of community.
The second chamber is far less accessible, yet of great importance as well. Summer usually leads to several trips to the Dakotas and a visit or two from out west. Five hours in the car can give a person cause to travel through many memories and emotional lands. It can also be lonely and tiring and bad for your diet. However, once the distance has passed, there is a complete sense of home, equally valuable to the one in the rear view mirror. We know one another well, love each other, accept the occasional step out of bounds and welcome each other like we have enjoyed every day of our lives together. Pops, the patriarch of the family, lives by the anthem "work hard to play hard" and we all live this out, whether we know it or not. We work very hard together and yet we enjoy the weekends where we take the whole clan to a Twins game or the Renaissance Festival and buy goofy hats or watch medieval weddings just for the fun of it.
Appendages, perhaps not the most flattering sounding descriptor, stretch in every direction and bare many roots. We have left big chunks of our hearts in Virginia and traveled over the plains and through the woods both directions to share in a distant, but ever present, community with deep, deep roots. Our friend in the army is any given place in the continental US and may trot the globe at any moment. Then there is my Augsburgian sister who is often spotted on European adventures with her home base in Italy. The RCTC bunch is always moving around in the general region, but now one of our ranks is going to snuggle up against the Rocky Mountains and save lives or something. I could go on with the locations that have hosted those we love and have found to fit perfectly in our hearts, Lebanon, Tennessee, West Virginia, where is Brittany at these days Connecticut maybe, Boston, Arizona, many in the cities, you name the direction and we could name a meaningful connection that has brought us a sense of community.
Gone are the days of living in a small town with the family and trusted friends minutes away. I liked when the party line became extinct, but I don't think I like the distance that spreads out my loved ones. Nothing can be done about it I suppose, but yet always lingering is this feeling of being torn and wishing that everyone could be together more easily. No matter where we are, we are missing someone (more like many someones) and there is always a sadness that goes along with that awareness. Would I give up having developed a sense of community with someone for not having to miss them later? No. But my heart always notices who is missing and there is a longing for home to be in one place and everyone to be gathered there together.
While that seems a little sad, there are many positives. We are surrounded by love and caring and we have a large group of people to share our love and devotion with. Great experiences dot the maps of our memories and we can travel over those lands on long, time intensive car rides. And we can go a lot of places and have a piece of our community already there! We know the bleaker side exists, but choose to focus on the bright side most of the time. The encouragement today is to grow your community is whatever newfangled way you can, or touch base with someone you miss in your current community.
Blessings to the chambers, appendages, and those yet to come! May our communities ever be strong and grow deep, stabilizing, nourishing roots together!
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